Shadow of the past

The feeling of knowing that you’re just waiting for nothing? It’s.. Very painful. 

I know you already have her. I know that I’m just a shadow of your past and she’s your currently and probably the last. 

I made you wait. But to the other girl you went.

I waited hoping for you to come back. But seeing you hugging her back, I really feel that I had no luck. 

I thought there’s still a chance

I thought I can hold your hands

I thought I could be your last 

But I think I’ll just be the shadow of your past.

-sulatkamayniZenny

Never

I found  myself walking in a middle of a long road. Seeing every leaves falling from the trees. Seeing twigs fallen on the ground. Hearing the song of the birds. Feeling the cold breeze.

I looked up the sky.

Seeing how gray it is..  Making me more gloomy.

The place shall make me comfortable. But the sky makes me feel so sad. The heaven might not be with me. Drops of water poured from above. Giving me a heavy shower.. 

Is it a blessing or a sign that it hates me?

The comfortable feeling from the place is what I feel to you.. But you, the angry sky is giving me a pain.

Why can’t you love me back? Hahaha of course! I’m just a replacement anyway. A toy. A temporary. A second choice. 

It’s not because you’re loyal, it’ll be too.

It’s not because you want it to be yours, it’ll be yours.

It’s not because you have putted some effort on it, it’ll be the way you want it to be. 

I just learned that…

There are some things we wanted that will never be ours.

Sulatkamay ni Zenny

Ahedres

(Pananaw ng lalaki)

Pinipilit kung intindihin kita.

Pero kahit saan ko man tignan,

Ang hirap paring pakinggan.

Sayo pa nanggaling ang nalaman.

Ang sakit ng aking naramdaman.

Ngunit dahil sa pagmamahal,

Pagtingi’y di matanggal.

Sana’y ‘di ka mapaglubid buhangin.

Baka ang sa harap ko’y 

Maging isang bangin.

Ika’y mahirap basahin.

Di alam sa’n uunahin.

Ako’y haring nag-iisa, walang piyon ni walang  pares.

Isang maling galaw lang ako’y tsekmeyt sa larong ahedres

Sulatkamay ni Zenny

Memory

I found myself staring at the flickering colors of light as it waves smoothly between me and the dark colored sky. The sky carries millions of shining glittering stars in a shape of a diamond. 

As the cold breeze approaches me, I felt my skin cold like what I just felt the last time I got here. The wind touches my skin as I run near the beautiful Aurora. 

It’s not all the time I can see this wonderful thing. It made me happy. But as I roam my eyes around at this place, it made my heart beat fast. 

I’m sad. I know longing for him is just a waste of time. But, what can I do? I just love him that’s all. 

I remembered the painful memory again. 

It’s the same. Same place, same time, and even the same scene. 

Reminiscing the past makes my heart sting. Why? Did he really need to leave me? When will he come back? he still remember me right? Did he miss me? Is he okay?

The memory makes my eyes sore. My tears suddenly fall, crawling down to my cheeks, to my chin, ’til it landed in my feet. 

I was taken a back when I heard some foosteps.

Is it him?

-Sulatkamay ni Zenny

Get over it

I just tried to look at you.

I tried to know you.

But I found myself being addicted unto you.

It was like swimming in a wide beach enjoying the heat of the sun, the softness of the sand and the rough rocks on the seashore.

But suddenly, while swimming I noticed my feet being numb. The numbness slowly crawling above my body. To my legs, torso, in hands and lastly, the most painful yet painless part. The brain… It was blocked. My heart is the only one surviving. I drowned. Yet my heart is still beating.

But as I go deeper and deeper in the sea. My heart goes faster and faster. 

Then the time came, It’s purely expected. My heart suddenly stops.

It’s like loving you. From enjoyable to painful ’til you feel no more. 

I’ve decided.

After being dead by you, I’ll move on. I’ll forget the feeling. I’ll live my afterlife more enjoyable than the first one. I’ll prove it, that I can live without you, that my next life is more fun. It’ll be full of games and challenges. It’s more fun than loving you. 

I know.

I’ll get over it.

-SulatkamayniZenzen

Waiting

Is it bad?

To wait even if..

You don’t know what you’ll get?

When I was young, I made someone wait for me. I didn’t clear everything to him. He likes me and.. Yeah. I like him. But what can I do? I was young back then. I didn’t know what to do. It’s my first time to encounter that kind of feeling. A strange feeling. An unexplainable feeling. It’s addicting. 

But… As the time passes by, he forgot about me. He forgot that he was still waiting for me. He enjoyed wandering the reality. And the time of parting paths came. 

He’s now away. Away from me. We can communicate, yes. But how? Seeing him happy with someone..makes me think, why did I let it happen? Why did I let him go? The answer is very clear. 

We were young. 

And now, many years had passed. I’m always updated about him. His status, his situation and etc. All I can say is…

The table is now turned.

I am now waiting for him. Waiting for him to come back. 

Before it’s too late. Before I’ll decide to wander around. Before I’ll decide not to stay still. Before I forgot that I’m still waiting for him.

Please, my dear. Come back. 

I am still

-Sulatkamay ni Zenny

*The photo is from http://www.eviland.com

Nay,Tiwala lang kailangan ko.

Lumaki ako na close tayo.

Inu-open ko problema ko sayo.

Nang magkahonor, ako ay masaya.

Pag-uwi, magandang balita ang dala.

Ramdam ay galak, makita kang masaya.

Akoy lalong nagsikap.

Dahil sa mataas na pangarap.

At ikaw ang unang makakatanggap.

Doble ang pagsusunog ng kilay.

Paaralan ay malayo man sa bahay.

Ngunit, dumating ang panahon.

Nakakauwi na ng hapon. 

Hindi dahil para makagala.

Kun’di para sa marka ay may mapala.

Ikay nagsimulang maghinala.

Pinagkakamalang gumagala.

O ‘di kaya’y kasama ang shota.

Inay naman! Ginagawa ko ang lahat.

Kahit na masunog ang aking balat.

Para magkaroon ng magandang kinabukasan.

Na para rin sa iyong kapakanan. 

Mali ba ang manghingi ng tiwala?

Marami ba ang mawawala?

Mahal ko kayo, kaya naman…
Tiwala lang ang kailangan ko.

After Christmas Break

Sa makalawa na ang pasukan

Kung pupunta ba’y di alam

Pinapapasok ng mga guro

New year’s resolution lang naman ang ituturo

Nakakatamad naman talaga.

Pero sa tuwing maiiisip kong makikita kita.

Hinihiling ko na sana bukas na.

Kaya ang katamara’y nawala na.

Ikaw ang inspirasyon ko at gano’n ka kahalaga.
-Sulatkamay ni Zenny

Blocked Black Blank

I was your friend. 

Your someone who will be with you to know the trend. 

The one who will stay until the end. 

But what happened my friend?

 Is this our end? 

You got me blocked.

I was shocked. 

Now my whole life is black. 

And what I feel is blank.

-Sulatkamay ni Zenny

We are Marians

Tumagal at napamahal ako sa paaralan na isang sikat at outstanding. Halos lahat ng contest ay pinalunan. Mapa journalism, Scouting or sports. Ngayon huling year ko na sa junior high.I joind the 35th councilwide encampment dito sa amin. There’s no problem about sa mga activities and programs. The problem is… The treatment. They treat us unfairly. Paano? Well ganito kasi yun. Binigyan kami ng task na magpulot ng mga twigs sa isang park then we stick to the group. May nasa unahan namin at meron ding ibang school sa likod namin.

 Then nung pauwi na kami, may narinig kami sa mga tita na…”ah yung na huli? Mga taga SMC yun” and we’re like, wow! Dito kami oh, hindi kami nahuli.Then nung nasa mga sasakyan na kami napansin naming kulang kami kaya hinintay ng troop leader namin yung kasama namin sa labas tapos may nagtanong na tita sa kanya. “Anong ginagawa mo rito?” Sinagot niya naman ang tita na,”Hinhintay ko po yung naiwan namin na kasama” tapos sininghalan siya ng tita “Yan! Buti nga sa inyo! Una kayo nang una eh” hindi na siya sinagot ng troop leader namin to show respect.

 Grabe lang po. Naghahanap talaga sila ng paraan para masira name ng school namin? Tapos pagdating sa mga activities hindi pa kami nainform ng maayos para hindi rin kami makapagparticipate ng maayos. Kaya ayun wala kaming napresent dahil hindi namin alam na may ganun palang activity. Masyado kaming nasaktan. Parang sinasadya nilang hialain kami pababa dahil parati kaming panalo. 

Akala siguro nila mga mayayabang kami. Kami na nga po ang nag aadjust. Kami na nga po ang mas nagiging friendly sa kanila, tapos ganito lang? Ganyan na ba talaga kainggit ang ibang school sa amin? Please po. Tandaan niyo. WE ARE IGNACIAN MARIAN. AND WE ARE DISCIPLINED. Hindi kami nananalo dahil sa pera. Nananalo kami dahil sa mga effort at hardship namin.