Shadow of the past

The feeling of knowing that you’re just waiting for nothing? It’s.. Very painful. 

I know you already have her. I know that I’m just a shadow of your past and she’s your currently and probably the last. 

I made you wait. But to the other girl you went.

I waited hoping for you to come back. But seeing you hugging her back, I really feel that I had no luck. 

I thought there’s still a chance

I thought I can hold your hands

I thought I could be your last 

But I think I’ll just be the shadow of your past.

-sulatkamayniZenny

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Never

I found  myself walking in a middle of a long road. Seeing every leaves falling from the trees. Seeing twigs fallen on the ground. Hearing the song of the birds. Feeling the cold breeze.

I looked up the sky.

Seeing how gray it is..  Making me more gloomy.

The place shall make me comfortable. But the sky makes me feel so sad. The heaven might not be with me. Drops of water poured from above. Giving me a heavy shower.. 

Is it a blessing or a sign that it hates me?

The comfortable feeling from the place is what I feel to you.. But you, the angry sky is giving me a pain.

Why can’t you love me back? Hahaha of course! I’m just a replacement anyway. A toy. A temporary. A second choice. 

It’s not because you’re loyal, it’ll be too.

It’s not because you want it to be yours, it’ll be yours.

It’s not because you have putted some effort on it, it’ll be the way you want it to be. 

I just learned that…

There are some things we wanted that will never be ours.


Sulatkamay ni Zenny

Ahedres

(Pananaw ng lalaki)

Pinipilit kung intindihin kita.

Pero kahit saan ko man tignan,

Ang hirap paring pakinggan.

Sayo pa nanggaling ang nalaman.

Ang sakit ng aking naramdaman.

Ngunit dahil sa pagmamahal,

Pagtingi’y di matanggal.

Sana’y ‘di ka mapaglubid buhangin.

Baka ang sa harap ko’y 

Maging isang bangin.

Ika’y mahirap basahin.

Di alam sa’n uunahin.

Ako’y haring nag-iisa, walang piyon ni walang  pares.

Isang maling galaw lang ako’y tsekmeyt sa larong ahedres


Sulatkamay ni Zenny

Memory

I found myself staring at the flickering colors of light as it waves smoothly between me and the dark colored sky. The sky carries millions of shining glittering stars in a shape of a diamond. 

As the cold breeze approaches me, I felt my skin cold like what I just felt the last time I got here. The wind touches my skin as I run near the beautiful Aurora. 

It’s not all the time I can see this wonderful thing. It made me happy. But as I roam my eyes around at this place, it made my heart beat fast. 

I’m sad. I know longing for him is just a waste of time. But, what can I do? I just love him that’s all. 

I remembered the painful memory again. 

It’s the same. Same place, same time, and even the same scene. 

Reminiscing the past makes my heart sting. Why? Did he really need to leave me? When will he come back? he still remember me right? Did he miss me? Is he okay?

The memory makes my eyes sore. My tears suddenly fall, crawling down to my cheeks, to my chin, ’til it landed in my feet. 

I was taken a back when I heard some foosteps.

Is it him?

-Sulatkamay ni Zenny

Get over it

I just tried to look at you.

I tried to know you.

But I found myself being addicted unto you.

It was like swimming in a wide beach enjoying the heat of the sun, the softness of the sand and the rough rocks on the seashore.

But suddenly, while swimming I noticed my feet being numb. The numbness slowly crawling above my body. To my legs, torso, in hands and lastly, the most painful yet painless part. The brain… It was blocked. My heart is the only one surviving. I drowned. Yet my heart is still beating.

But as I go deeper and deeper in the sea. My heart goes faster and faster. 

Then the time came, It’s purely expected. My heart suddenly stops.

It’s like loving you. From enjoyable to painful ’til you feel no more. 

I’ve decided.

After being dead by you, I’ll move on. I’ll forget the feeling. I’ll live my afterlife more enjoyable than the first one. I’ll prove it, that I can live without you, that my next life is more fun. It’ll be full of games and challenges. It’s more fun than loving you. 

I know.

I’ll get over it.

-SulatkamayniZenzen

Waiting

Is it bad?

To wait even if..

You don’t know what you’ll get?

When I was young, I made someone wait for me. I didn’t clear everything to him. He likes me and.. Yeah. I like him. But what can I do? I was young back then. I didn’t know what to do. It’s my first time to encounter that kind of feeling. A strange feeling. An unexplainable feeling. It’s addicting. 

But… As the time passes by, he forgot about me. He forgot that he was still waiting for me. He enjoyed wandering the reality. And the time of parting paths came. 

He’s now away. Away from me. We can communicate, yes. But how? Seeing him happy with someone..makes me think, why did I let it happen? Why did I let him go? The answer is very clear. 

We were young. 

And now, many years had passed. I’m always updated about him. His status, his situation and etc. All I can say is…

The table is now turned.

I am now waiting for him. Waiting for him to come back. 

Before it’s too late. Before I’ll decide to wander around. Before I’ll decide not to stay still. Before I forgot that I’m still waiting for him.

Please, my dear. Come back. 

I am still

-Sulatkamay ni Zenny

*The photo is from http://www.eviland.com

Nay,Tiwala lang kailangan ko.

Lumaki ako na close tayo.

Inu-open ko problema ko sayo.

Nang magkahonor, ako ay masaya.

Pag-uwi, magandang balita ang dala.

Ramdam ay galak, makita kang masaya.

Akoy lalong nagsikap.

Dahil sa mataas na pangarap.

At ikaw ang unang makakatanggap.

Doble ang pagsusunog ng kilay.

Paaralan ay malayo man sa bahay.

Ngunit, dumating ang panahon.

Nakakauwi na ng hapon. 

Hindi dahil para makagala.

Kun’di para sa marka ay may mapala.

Ikay nagsimulang maghinala.

Pinagkakamalang gumagala.

O ‘di kaya’y kasama ang shota.

Inay naman! Ginagawa ko ang lahat.

Kahit na masunog ang aking balat.

Para magkaroon ng magandang kinabukasan.

Na para rin sa iyong kapakanan. 

Mali ba ang manghingi ng tiwala?

Marami ba ang mawawala?

Mahal ko kayo, kaya naman…
Tiwala lang ang kailangan ko.